Habits of highly successful couples

Keeping intimate relationship alive requires strength, motivation, and a little something called love. We are guilty of basing our romantic beliefs on fairytales. Keeping your marriage needs effort and commitment from both parties.If you are willing to put forth the effort to keep your relationship alive, then developing the following seven habits will help you become one of those highly successful couples.

Habit 1 - Give each other pleasure Your goal in the relationship is to give each other pleasure, not to cause pain. Simple, isn't it? However... for just a single day, become consciously aware of everything you do, by asking yourself the question, "Is what I'm about to do or say going to cause my partner pain or pleasure?" To help you, each of you should make two lists: one for all the things your partner does that hurt you, and another for all that you'd like your partner to do to give you pleasure. Swap lists, and now you know exactly what to do and what not to do. No more guessing!

Habit 2 - Create love and friendship rituals We fall in love through rituals of connection and intimacy such as romantic dinners, long conversations, going for walks, exchanging gifts, talking every night on the telephone... When we fall in love our relationship becomes the center point of our life, with anything else becoming secondary. Over time, when the relationship becomes more settled (particularly after we have children), this process reverses. The children, our work, our hobbies, our friends - take the center stage and the relationship being relegated to the background tending only to receive our attention in times of crisis. The remedy to routine (the main cause of dull relationships) is connection and intimacy rituals. For example, every Saturday evening, as a changeover from the working week into the weekend, take two hours together when you put a "do not disturb" sign on your busy life. No phones, no answered doors, no e-mails, no TV, nothing... Just the two of you and your relationship. Do what you will with the time, however it must be an investment in your relationship.

Habit 3 - Create a safe space for open and honest sharing Create a sense of safety and acceptance that allows each of you to express your feelings, problems, expectations and disappointments. One of our connection rituals is a process called "Clearing" that creates this atmosphere of safety and acceptance. EVERY NIGHT before we go to sleep, we ask each other "what DID NOT work for you today?" We give each other a chance to share about all the things that went "wrong" during the day (whether connected to the relationship or not). If there are any solutions that we can mutually agree upon to assist with improvements for the future, we raise the issue. When both of us are complete, we initiate a second round, in which we ask each other "what DID work for you today?" This is our opportunity to share about all the goodness that we've experienced during the day, as well as acknowledge each other (and others) for the support and love we've received.

Habit 4 - Work together to resolve conflict and crisis The problem with the way most couples argue is that they attempt to find solutions before allowing each other the chance to say what they need to say. The "Council" process ensures that before you engage in solution talk, each one of you feels you have been fully heard. Here's how it can be made to work in practice: One person holds an object in their hand, called the "Talking Piece", which symbolizes that he or she has the floor. While one person has the floor, the other person is allowed only to listen without interruption. When speaking, you should focus on speaking from your heart (emotional, spontaneous, instinctive as opposed to mental). When listening, you are encouraged to listen from your heart (i.e. from acceptance and compassion). Only after each person has been fully "heard," (in case it is still necessary) continue through to the process of problem solving.

Habit 5 - Turn toward each other, rather than away When you pass your lover during the course of a day, do you stop and rub his/her shoulder, give him/her a kiss on the cheek, and whisper something nice in his/her ear - or do you just walk on by? This is the meaning of "turning toward" as opposed to "turning away." Turning toward each other means making each other your number one priority. Make sure to find ways to be physically and emotionally close to each other, such as doing things together that you both enjoy. Take walks together, have dinner together, listen to music together...

WHAT IS SEX?

Sex is like beautiful clothes in the market. It doesn’t get finished. There’s always a time for it. A time when you’d be able to afford that clothe. There is time when you’d be old enough to do it without fear of repercussion.

5ive tips for a better marriage

James Lucoff in his work on marriage relationship gave some tips for resolving conflicts in a marriage and they are as follows:

1. Conflict is your friend. There are differences in every relationship - what makes or breaks a marriage is how partners choose to resolve those conflicts. Ignoring them is not the solution. That would be like ignoring cancer in the hope that it will go away by itself. Actually when conflicts are resolved successfully, the relationship can move to an even higher level of stability and intimacy. Use the following tips to resolve conflicts in your marriage.

2. Listen with empathy. Empathy is your ability to see things from your partner's perspective. Listen to your partner and tune in to his/her feelings. Whatever your partner is feeling "makes sense" from his or her perspective. When you start to "get it", you will know not only what your partner is feeling - you will also understand why. You are ready for the next step.

3. Respond with empathy. Tell your partner what you think he/she is feeling based on what you've heard. For example, your partner tells you about frustration at your lack of support. However you sense not just frustration, but anger as well. So you respond, "You're frustrated about my not being there for you, and this makes you really angry, too." If you didn't get it right, your partner will tell you and you can correct your response.

4. Make it sweet. Nobody likes to be scolded. So to avoid provoking a "fight or flight" reaction from your spouse, always include the positive. For instance, if you are angry because your spouse is not spending enough time with you. Tell him/her the reason you're so angry is because you care so much about your him/her and your relationship. Express those feelings of love as strongly as you can! That sweetness will make what follows a lot easier to swallow

5. Talk about your feelings - not your partner's failure. "When I came home from work yesterday I really wanted to talk to you about what happened. When I wasn't able to I felt totally alone." Stating it this way is much more likely to get a positive response

Life and Achievements

"if you have a go and it doesnt work, fine. But always have a go. You never know whats possible until you try"